Disability Etiquette: Respecting Disabled People

When you’re interacting with someone with a disability, the best starting point is simple: treat them the way you’d want to be treated. Disabled people are often similar to those without disabilities, having their own personal desires, interests, thoughts, and feelings. While people with disabilities may have some additional needs, it's important to remember that respectful connection doesn’t have to feel complicated. This guide highlights practical do’s and don’ts to help ensure inclusive interactions.

Top Disability Etiquette Do's and Don'ts

The following is a non-exhaustive list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” when interacting with disabled people:

1. Address the person with a disability when talking to them.

People with disabilities are often not directly addressed, with some assuming they cannot speak for themselves.

For example, in restaurants, staff may ask another person, "What would they like to eat?" in reference to a disabled person at the table, rather than addressing the individual directly. Not only might someone else simply not know what a disabled individual wants to order, but even if the disabled person has a speech disability or is non-verbal, they can generally communicate in other ways. If someone uses assistive technology, or they are deaf and rely on an interpreter, it’s important to maintain eye contact with the person who would otherwise be speaking. If they are with a group, someone may speak on their behalf, but your focus should remain on the disabled person. This shows respect and acknowledges their presence and autonomy

2. Don’t touch or handle a mobility aid without permission.

Respecting personal space is important when interacting with people with disabilities. Always ask before touching or moving someone's mobility aid, as these are extensions of a person’s body, and mishandling them or touching them without asking can not only impact one’s ability to move but can also be dangerous.

Touching mobility aids like walkers, crutches, and canes, even if it may not look like a person is actively using them, could cause that individual to lose balance or fall. In addition, moving a mobility aid even slightly farther away from its user could mean the individual needs to cover a greater distance to reach that mobility aid than is safe, increasing the risk of falls or injury.

The same applies to service animals. While not a traditional mobility aid, service animals can assist with mobility and other needs. If, for example, a guide dog were pet while crossing the street, it could become distracting, putting both the handler and their dog at risk in an environment where there are moving vehicles.

These examples highlight the importance of asking for permission before touching or handling a mobility aid.

3. Use terms and language they feel comfortable with.

Opinions on language surrounding disability vary. Some terms may be seen as negative by some and neutral by others. For example, some people consider “special needs” to be a euphemism for “disabled,” while others use the phrase consistently.

Similarly, there are differing viewpoints on identity-first and person-first language. For example, “autistic person” versus “person with autism.”

Advocates of identity-first language note this type of language it aligns with everyday speaking patterns, like saying "older brother" instead of "brother who is older." This can also be applied to animals and objects. For example, people typically say "friendly dog" rather than "dog that is friendly," or "big house" instead of "house that is big." Advocates of identity-first language believe these language standards should not change when talking about disability.

Advocates of person-first language emphasizes the person before the disability, highlighting that while the disability is part of a person’s identity, the individual is a person who, like people without disabilities, has their own interests, desires, thoughts, and feelings. Advocates of person-first language often emphasize not wanting to define a person solely based on their disability. Person-first language may also be preferred among people who don’t personally identify as disabled or consider it a less significant part of their identity.

Asking a person with a disability what language they prefer is okay and often appreciated. Asking individuals about their preferences acknowledges their identity and experiences.

4. Plan ahead when going to events or occasions.

When making plans with a disabled person, planning ahead shows that you are considerate of their needs. It also helps everyone involved know what to expect. Whether you're going out to lunch, attending a concert, or traveling, calling venues like restaurants, hotels, and concert halls in advance to ask about accessibility can make a big difference.

For example, restaurants often seat large groups at high-top tables, which may not be suitable for someone with a disability. By calling ahead and making a reservation, you can inform the restaurant about your group's accessibility needs and ensure that appropriate seating is arranged. This proactive approach helps avoid any accessibility issues upon arrival and ensures a smoother experience for everyone.

5. Don’t offer too much help.

Sometimes well-meaning people can help too much. While helping can be polite, to someone with a disability, it could come across as patronizing.

Many disabled people have lived with their condition for years, if not their entire life. They often have their own ways of doing everyday tasks, which might look different from how a non-disabled person would do the same task. Just because it looks different, though, doesn't mean the person always needs or wants help.

Generally, it's best to ask someone if they need help before you proceed. If a person seems to be doing something effectively, even if it looks different, they may not need help. If someone appears to be struggling, it's okay to ask if they need assistance. It's equally important to respect a disabled person if they refuse help.

Why Is Disability Etiquette So Important?

Disability etiquette is important because it lays the foundation for a more respectful, equitable, and inclusive world, strengthening a sense of belonging and community for people with and without disabilities. Additionally, learning about disability etiquette helps break down social and physical barriers, which help to combat stereotypes and misconceptions that can lead to exclusion. Read the related articles below to learn about disabilities and the rights of disabled people.